Moving House With Children: A Guide
November 2, 2018
Lots of us experienced moving house as children. Packing up your toys, donating bigger items and suddenly having to exist in a new space that you now call home. Totally stress-free right? Wrong.
Even with the few days off school, moving house can be extremely traumatic, especially for younger children.
Whilst they do not need to worry about any physical or organisational aspects of the move itself, the stress can still have a big impact. Leaving behind the familiar for a new environment. And this stress only increases if the move involves transferring to a new school or country. Your children may be left unsure of how to cope, and the resulting difficulties can have a long-lasting impact on them, even after the move is completed.
We wish we could mirror the likes of Mrs Hinch moving house, we’re not likely to be as effortless.
But there are plenty of tips and tricks to ensure that your children and your family can avoid undue stress. To make sure that your kids can happily settle into your new home, let’s take a look at the most important points to consider when moving house with children!
Talk to your children about moving home
Communication is key! You would be surprised how many parents leave it until just before moving day to let their children know. Whilst it would be lovely if children just adjusted without a problem, the reality is that this is just not possible.
Such a sudden shock can have a hugely negative impact on children. Potentially even impacting their development. How would you feel if you suddenly had to leave behind everything you were used to without any warning?
Instead, talk to your children early on. Get them used to the idea. If you’re moving a short distance, reassure them that little will change. If you’re moving further, give them time to say goodbye to their friends. And if it’s an international relocation, you may need to make time for language lessons. Help your children plan ways to make new friends once you get settled into your new home.
Your younger children will likely have shorter attention spans. So be patient, and spread your explanation over several days rather than fitting it into what would be an overwhelming single evening. Older children may be better equipped at comprehending your reasons for moving. And as always, a little extra patience is key for teenagers going through puberty as they adjust.
Let them help with setting up
One of the best ways to help your children embrace their new environment is letting them help you set it up. Be it by involving them in selecting new furniture, letting them pick out the colour of their room. Even by allowing them control over the layout of their new space. These decisions allow them to feel in control of the situation.
Take trips around your new community also. Use this as an opportunity for you to find new activities to do together. Find your nearest park and discover if there are any local clubs where your children can make new friends.
Be prepared for some changes in behaviour
In an ideal world, kids would simply let us know when something was bothering them (ideally with an eloquent explanation!) However, every parent knows that things are rarely this easy.
Moving is stressful and can result in your kids exhibiting some unusual behaviour. It is not uncommon for younger children to wet the bed more often, or become rather clingy and panic when left alone. Similar unexpected consequences can happen when they move school. They will be more sensitive, potentially exhibiting signs of shyness or aggression. There's also a chance of them not achieving the same grades they once did.
Once again, patience is key. Find the time to talk through their troubles with them.Reinforce the importance of good food and good sleep. And, remind them that even though they are in a scary, new place, they still have your love and support. Remember, a little quality time can work wonders!
Keep things familiar when moving house with children
Change is stressful, that has already been established. so , where possible, it’s a good idea to try and keep things familiar. Children form emotional attachments to their belongings, so losing these can cause an increase in stress.
Whilst it may seem like common sense to declutter prior to your move, be careful when it comes to your child’s belongings. Try leaving teddies and toys at a family member’s house for a “holiday” if you need the extra space. And keep loved items close.
Try to maintain a familiarity with routines also. If you shop on a Wednesday, then continue to do so in your new address. Your kids have likely internalised your habits and distributing them will only increase the likely feeling of unfamiliarity they will experience when moving.
Moving schools
Moving to a new school can be a daunting experience. Not only do new children have to get used to new schedules and teachers, but they have to integrate themselves into already established groups. After all, their classmates may have known each other for several years, so it is easy for new arrivals to feel like aliens.
To lessen the impact, try to arrange for your child to start school after the summer holidays, or at the beginning of a new term. And utilise the time they have off school to involve them in local clubs and activities, so that they can make new friends.
As a parent, you should also take the time to introduce yourself to your child’s new teachers and headteacher. They should be able to provide valuable advice on helping your child get settled, as well as information on how they can catch up with current lessons and assignments. Having this connection will also make it easier if you do need to voice concerns later down the line.
Moving home with teenagers
An advantage of moving with teenagers, as opposed to younger children, is that they will be far more appreciative of the reasons for the move itself. If you simply let them know that you have a new job, or that the family needs more space, a teenager will definitely understand the logic, even if they still have a few gripes.
Another advantage is that teenagers and older children can provide help with the move itself. Packing their own belongings, labelling the cardboard boxes, helping to shift heavier objects, or keeping an eye on younger children or pets.
BUT, they are far more conscious of the changes. Their life is likely more established in your current area than it would be for a younger child.
With friends, girlfriends/boyfriends and their academic life. They’re likely to struggle more, with acceptance in high schools taking much more than simply getting involved in a game or two.
Whilst you likely want to rest on age-old generic advice - things will get better in time etc - create a space where they can communicate and work alongside you. By dismissing them, you run the risk of creating animosity. By listening, you can help them in getting adjusted and settled.
And with teenagers being susceptible to depression and anxiety during traumatic or unfamiliar events, communication is a vital part of your toolkit. Support comes in all shapes and sizes, from old friends to new. Maybe even find a local councillor to help your teenagers work through their feelings in a safe environment.